I Hate May, Not Spring

Before I get into all of my rambles, I must thank all who have served and are currently our country and given my family and me this great USA. Happy belated Memorial Day! I wish everyone could be at home too.

May has been a terrible month for Joe and me (and our family). We have had two huge losses from our lives, Ma Dillier (Joe’s Mother) and Griz Lee (our dog for 9 years, he was 10). In general May is a bad because there are numerous deaths of various months past such as my Dad in ‘01, my Aunt Ellen’s 1st husband in ’78, a family friend Jeanne, I can’t place the year and there are more that have details I am not sure of.

This Memorial Day weekend was the 1st time that we went to St. George since we lost Griz. I couldn’t even park in the same spot in the condo. Every time Ozzy jumped in or out of the truck I cringed. I can’t bear to think of losing Ozzy right now either.

Joe wouldn’t like to have me retell the story, but I have to. He hates it when I cry, part of it is a guy thing, the rest is too much to discuss here. This is a process for me; sorry you are along for the ride. Just like Dad’s death and week in the VA ICU, the 48 of that weekend was just Hell. Both were all of the sudden.

In a way I let go of Dad again with Griz’s death. There is no power in the power to have to take someone you love off of life support or put a family pet down. Even when you know, there is nothing you or modern medicine can do for them, the sickening pain echoes. It is a ripple on a lake. You think you are fine and it splashes back upon you suddenly like a tsunami. You want to ask them a question or tell them something and you can’t. Take time to forgive and say what you need to now while they are with you. I did get a chance with Dad a couple years before he died. His rehab program had family counseling.

I urge you to find some counseling for yourself before you can’t just track down someone to tell them. As bad as my Dad was, he found his good again in AA. Life is too short to hold onto something that is a haze over every emotion. Forgiving someone is also easier after you forgive yourself. Well enough of my 2 cent psychiatrist session.

Anyhew, I am glad May is almost over and summer can begin. Hopefully Joe’s business and my business will pick up so we can live our normal fun summer lifestyle.